I grew up in Pakistan. In my travels across the world, I have encountered many a misconception about my home-country. We’re everyone’s favourite friendly neighbourhood failed state if Fox News is to believed, and I was amazed at how shocked people were that an actual living, breathing product of the dark side of the moon was stood there talking to them. Here are some of the weirdest things people have said when they learn where I come from.
1) Wow! Your English is really good?
This is the commonest comment anyone from Pakistan will hear the first time they have a conversation with someone. People are astonished that anyone from Pakistan, let alone a woman, can speak, read and write completely fluent English. The world expects us to either be the frothy-mouthed zealots or mini mart owners they see on TV.
English schooling systems are the main setup in Pakistan where almost the entire curriculum is taught in English and this has created generations of Pakistanis who navigate English with complete ease.
I’ll level with you, my first language is English, but I have Pakistani friends whose English is so dazzlingly competent that they make my musings sound like the workings of an epileptic monkey at a typewriter.
2) Do you guys have TV/the internet/cell phones over there?
Even I ended up guilty of this one when I went over on a trip last year after a 6 year gap and left my smartphone behind thinking there was no point taking it.
Cue all of my cousins constantly uploading selfies on Facebook and updating their Twitter accounts like there’s no tomorrow. Meanwhile I felt like a total idiot with my trusty old regular cell phone that didn’t even have a camera. And I’m not even talking the big cities either. This was in my good old dusty village.
So yes, shocking as it may seem, we do have TV, cell phones and the internet over there. We have roads too, as well as high rise buildings and highways.
3) Pakistani girls are so innocent.
I hate to burst your bubble but this one isn’t true either. What with all the TV, magazines, fluent English and books, life in the West isn’t a total shock. As for innocent, we get Cosmo there too, you know, and just because there is officially no dating doesn’t mean there aren’t ways around that. Go to any Pakistani university and you’ll find a dating culture to rival anything in the West.
And we have some pretty kick-ass sex education in places you’d least expect it.
4) Did you come over in a boat?
When I’d tell people I had actually flown to the UK, their next question was what it felt like to fly for the first time, at which point I’d gently break it to them that I’ve been flying since I was little. That’s not because I’m ridiculously rich. It’s because Pakistan is quite a big country and flying, especially these days, is quite affordable and often the most trouble-free option for travel.
5) You’re from Pakistan? I love palak paneer!
A Pakistani friend who studied in America shared this one with me. When did palak paneer become Pakistan’s official culinary mascot? That’s like meeting someone from the UK and saying “I love jellied eels!” Firstly, you’d have to be out of your mind to love jellied eels, and secondly it’s not a dish that actually features in regular daily British dining.
Pakistani cuisine is hugely diverse because the country is so diverse. Go find your local Pakistani restaurant, it probably has a name like Lahore This or Karachi Something or the Other and try a few things there. I recommend haleem and nihari as starting points.
6) Did you parents disown you for marrying of your own choice?
I married outside of my culture, and my parents didn’t simultaneously combust into balls of fiery wrath. You’d be surprised how many of my peers back in Pakistan are now marrying of their own choice with the support of their parents.
7) Did you ever see Osama Bin Ladin?
When you come from a crackpot nuclear nation and hot-bed of terrorism, you get asked this more often than you’d realize. The answer is no. We have a huge home-grown terrorism problem in Pakistan, that’s true, but Taliban heads don’t go on whistle-stop tours of the country like some sort of jihad loving Mick Jagger.
8) Did you used to live in a mud hut/shanty town?
No. I used to live in an actual house made of bricks and cement. A lot of people in Pakistan do, and if you happen to know the upper Middle classes, their houses are absolutely palatial. In fact, a lot of people moving from Pakistan to the UK take one look at that country’s row upon row of cramped, badly lit cookie cutter houses and wail “How can these poor people live like this!”
9) How come you don’t wear that dot on your forehead?
That little dot is called a bindi and you’re thinking of India, pal. Pakistani girls do wear these at weddings and parties, but for their decorative value rather than any association with chakras or the sacred third eye.
10)I’d love to visit Pakistan, but I’m too scared.
Let me be honest here. You should be scared. Because trying to get a visa from the Pakistani embassy is such a Kafkaesque nightmare that even I left the building screaming “I’m not doing this again!” after trying to arrange paperwork for my foreign husband and child.
The line of questioning involved such valuable information towards my application as whether my husband had converted to Islam or not, and what sort of religious environment my child was exposed to at home, the answer to which is of course “None of your God damned business”.They made it so hard and complicated that you’d think Pakistan was the world’s premier holiday destination and therefore only the truly dedicated should be allowed to go.
Then once we got there, because we had foreigners in our party, my family got daily phone calls from the local police to make sure said foreigners were still in our possession and weren’t being given an impromptu tour of Waziristan courtesy of our good friends in the Taliban.
But seriously, if you can get past the hellish ordeal of actually securing yourself a visa, tourists in Pakistan are such a rarity that they are treated like royalty. If you keep a low key and observe the customs, you’ll experience a beautiful country as yet untouched by mass tourism.
UPDATE: I’ve changed the pic to one which I own since this post is soon to be featured in Freshly Pressed!
Omaira Gill 
Yes, I also encounter many people with surprising questions but not that weird. Particularly, people from Africa or Latin America have zero knowledge about Pakistan. So, they may ask you if you can go hand in hand with your gf in a pakistani street. To some extent they are right. Secondly English speaking countries particularly Americans are quite different than Europeans. Europeans are very decent and they don’t ask weird questions openly. In-fact they do care of a person’s respect. But Americans happen to be very proudy and they also proliferate hate about Pakistan. Anyways, we have a long way to go. We are 200 years living back than modern world and then this extremist Burqa, Daarhi and religious complex made the situation even worst.
hahahahaha slayed me! “impromptu tour of Waziristan courtesy of our good friends in the Taliban”
i just want to say that modern does not mean not religious… religions have survived for thousands of years because of their relative adaptability. we can argue about the reasons for their survival (you may tell me it’s the opium of the masses) but my point here is basically that religion is not something that would prevent modernization… unless perhaps if we were to talk about certain orthodox jews who don’t use toilet paper on shabbat! but i do not know enough about judaism or shabbat to talk about that example.
measuring modernization should not be done on a scale of religiousness or whatever. completely irrelevant. you can be an islamic scholar and also be developing a patent for some high tech, years-beyond-2014 technology. i don’t see what the difference is between pakistan and a ‘modern’ country anyway… we have roads and telecommunications and computers and an infrastructure. many gulf countries do not even have underground sewerage system and experience flooding due to rain (and we do) yet they are at the forefront of modernization or whatever you want to call it, with newer, taller, stronger buildings and malls and technology and god knows what.. and many of them are devout muslims and have beards and wear scarves.
sorry if i have misunderstood your last sentence in your comment. if by modern you meant secular… yes we are far from it. but again… modern should not mean secular.
Unfortunately in many cases modern is also synonymous to being secular.
How many religious scholars (aka mulla) have patents?
Progress comes from an open mind, not one mired in superstition and archaic belief. Proof; Science was the sole preserve of church in 15th century. Real progress didn’t happen till that stranglehold was broken.
From ur name it appears tht u r a muslim but for a muslim to say tht “darhi n burqa or hijab make the situation worse” is a shame..if ur religion puts u in an awkward situation tht u feel its hampering ur way to “modernization” then better think again..remember darhi or beard is a Sunnah n hijab or burqa is compulsory for muslim women..our religion Islam is our pride,our confidence
This is a reply to Atif’s comment
Erum, there is nothing bad in dadhi, burka and hijab but there r people who enforce people to do these. It should be like “okay I do it bcz I like it and its upto you that u do it or not.” Even if they are doing wrong by not fulfilling these Faraiz u won’t be the one to answer for there deeds. Bcz u never know that even the person who is not having dadhi, burka and hijab can be a better Muslim than people havind dadhi burka and hijab.
The first point is quite ironic considering the many grammatical errors and mixing up of tenses. It honestly wouldn’t have bothered me had you not been a little arrogant about your far from ‘fluent’ English.
Give me a break!
Quite harsh, don’t you think? Smile a little 🙂
😀
Couldn’t have said it better myself.
Dear Norman, I wonder how one might spell “jerk” in Urdu or Dari? Perhaps, you might wish to inquire.
Chawwal would be the most appropriate word you’d want to use here 😉
How fluent is your English Noman? The point was also about people being able to speak English fluently despite being from Pakistan and, as the writer mentions, many of the Pakistanis she knows are more eloquent than her. Ironic that you talk about arrogance…
Grammar Nazi are you says yoda
Your mother didn’t hug you as a child did she. This is some fun! Smile and be happy!
I think you are being too harsh and rude. She doesn’t seem to be arrogant but you certainly are. Mind you the word “fluent” is normally used for referring to spoken English and not for written English.
1. She is also wrong: lots of Pakistanis, even middle classes do not speak fluent English. What about lower classes that, very often, do not speak any English at all? They don’t count to her? And yes, she refers to written English.
4. Bhoja Air, Airblue, does it tell her anything?
5. What’s wrong with that?
6. It is normal that people ask that kind of questions – especially after what happened in Lahore…
8. As for the nice houses, it is a pity that she forgets to mention in what conditions is living the majority of the population.
10. And you should be. Kidnapping is very common. Karachi is one of the most dangerous places in the word, sometimes even Pakistanis refuse to go there because of security reasons. Islamabad – three bombs recently. Yes, it is a beautiful country, not spoiled by mass tourism.
“Fluent” is not a synonym for “proper.”
Haha too funny!
Re. No. 7 rings a bell.
When I returned from volunteering in Pakistan after the earthquake (firstly in 2005 but this is from 2007), I showed pictures of OBL lookalikes who had survived the quake and told my friends in Singapore (home) I had several cups of chai with OBL and his men, they actually stared at me with eyes wide open before realising many men look like OBL in those necks of the woods.
An article truly based on facts and very we’ll written as well. The closest to the ground realities. Only Wanted to mention that even on the parties or wedding functions, Pakistani girls don’t wear that ”dot” on their forehead.
Hilarious and very accurate!!!!!
Wow and thanks! Am I right in thinking that ur someone I know?
Should have gone for an overseas card, thats what I did for my son, they had such complicated procedures for passport. and we had to travel the next month =)
Very interesting. It is indeed amusing when the European jaws drop at our fluency in english language and our pride in our culture.And yes, it is rather annoying how we’re almost always mistaken for indians.
There’s so much the world doesn’t know about Pakistan. Yes it has been a crazy place for some time now but then we ARE oscar winners worldcup foottball manufacturers amazing cricketers and scientists and so much more .
ill be glad when all people start praising GOD and ( giving HIM honor ) the Creator of all Life ….IJN Amen
And this one too: Pakistan is NOT situated in the Middle East!
A personal pet peeve!!!
yup! certainly have come across this one!
I know lot of people from Pakistan. They are very nice to be with. I don’t understand why there is so much of turmoil in their homeland. In my opinion, you are too much into religious stuff and you value the religion more than life itself. That is something I dont like. I mean comeon man, live your life and let others live. Give your religious nature a break and start chilling out.
To some extent it is OK, but if you value the religion more than the life of other people, you will never come out of the poverty you are staying with.
You say you’ve met a lot of Pakistanis. How many Pakistanis have actually given you an impression that they value their religion more than a person’s life? Or is this judgement based on the general perception that the West has of Pakistan vis-a-vis the Taliban element?
During and after Zia ul Haq religosity in Pakistan has risen sharply. Akmal may have had experience with religious fundamentalists
Very true
English is your first language? Are you sure? This article was full of grammatical errors and was poorly written. You also contradicted yourself on multiple occasions.
If you’re going to try to toot your own horn, at least do a grammar check before publishing.
Lastly, over 40% of the country is living below poverty line. So yes, majority of the nation does not speak English fluently, can’t afford to travel by air and live in “shanty town.”
Jeez… Ever heard of humour? Easy to cast judgement I suppose. I think this is a ‘tongue and cheek’ take on Pakistan and how Pakistanis oversees are viewed. The humour factor would be lost had the writer written about poverty, death etc. Perhaps you should keep the TONE of the article in mind in order to read and enjoy it
I get the humorous, light tone of the article…and would have enjoyed it if it wasn’t so poorly written! If you’re going to claim how well you can speak and write English, at least get it right!
She needs a dosage of reality. If you’re going to publish articles, expect constructive criticism.
Cheer up mate! Its Friday!
Could you point out specifically the grammatical errors you’re referring to?
PS: You’ve missed a couple of “the”s before “poverty line” and “majority of the nation”. But I’m sure an expert on grammar, such as yourself, would already be aware of this.
You forgot one most important question and that is: Are you Indian? Do you watch Bollywood movies?
I am an indian and I am very much sure that all pakistanis are very good humble and helpful people. They have a great sense of humor and the most optimistic people on this planet. I really wish a very warm and cordial relations between India and Pakistan.
“Commonest” is not a word!
10 things not to say to an elitist completely isolated Pakistani
I bet those truckers in the picture would agree
A lot of people do live in mud houses and a woman was recently stoned for marrying the man of her choice, the author does not represent all of Pakistan and you can’t blame people for wondering about the state of affairs
Plus ignorance is a choice if people chose not to be educated about Pakistan that doesn’t make them stupid, and if they ask questions they’re probably trying to learn…
We are not worldy because of our thirst for general knowledge but because we need to be to survive and because we have been imperialized and are being colonized everyday through the media without knowing it
Just like a common Pakistani wouldn’t be able to tell you much about North America or Europe, someone referred to as red neck or white trash has the same claim to illiteracy for their ignorance
Agree 100% – well said!
Dude, ‘commonest’ is an adjective of ‘common’.
I don’t endorse the negative stereotypes that you have tried to debunk – but – I hope you realize that you are a part of the bourgeois of Pakistan. Most of our fellow Pakistanis have very little knowledge of the English language – heck – not even Urdu. Most don’t live in a fancy house like you, and most people do have to face grave reprecutions becuse of strict and stupid religious as well as out dated cultural practices. You probably live in a bubble, my friend. Only if more of us realize that we live in a bubble and try to change the situation at home rather than the image in the head of others.
Right ON!
there’s one I always hear: “so, you’re from India?”
it used to be pretty annoying… 🙂
A very funny and well written article! You really hit the nail on the head with these observations!
😀 As a Pakistani living in Montreal, many times I’ve been among sceptics of this sort. A beautiful summary though.
Pakirambo will u marry me u r hilarious
This is such a lovely article! You’ve gotten all the points right. Though there’s one more I’d like to add regarding International Fast Food Chains. They couldn’t believe that we had KFC, PIZZA HUT, Burger King. Abroad people feel that the entire Pakistani nation is living in the Dark Ages. They are surprised to see our cities like Islamabad, Lahore, Multan, etc. It’s a beautiful country who needs to progress and develop but ‘we don’t live on tree houses’. Yes, someone actually asked this question once about Pakistan.
P.S. People complaining about your grammar mistakes need to work on their comprehension part, because they clearly don’t understand what this article is about.
I agree with many of the points mentioned here ,but have my reservations about what is said in point no3,which tends to negate the innocence of Pakistani girls.I believe that it is true that their is lot of impact on Pakistani society and female population especially during last 10-12 years due to media ,technology,mobile ,internet etc,but still there is no comparison between the east and west,because “where the East ends,the West starts”
while making such comparisons ,we should consider the whole and majority of population and not just minority so called liberal/westernised section of the society.
Really ??!!
This is the problem with the Pakistani middle / upper middle class – they have shut their eyes on over 95% of the Pakistanis and pretend that those people do not exist.
I am sure this lady is able to speak communicate in fluent English and yes they are probably educated in the privileged private educated system and thus can stand their ground next to anyone in the world.
But that does not mean that those 95% of people in Pakistan do not exist.
This is as shallow a write up as any.
I do not want to be rude but – this person needs to perform better research on the masses of Pakistani people outside of NA250. There are 180 million people in Pakistan and by far the vast majority of them are as poor as the westerners think they are – so forgive them if they ask you those STUPID questions.
Now if the author of this article wants to differentiate 2-5% of wealthy and privileged class Pakistanis from the poor as masses then she should mention it in her column.
This attitude needs to change before we can grow out of our misery.
Well sure. As an American every time I speak I completely represent all people in my country and would never leave a group out. Seriously? Give me a break. It is an article from one person’s point of view. Not a New York Times piece on the entire country of Pakistan and it’s issues. Not all articles will highlight the plight of all people in a country. It’s a sketch.
Sorry guys – I did not proof read my statement above!
Really enjoyed reading the article! Splendid
I think there is a difference of perspective, If you belong to an urban culture and not a very traditional family then these things don’t seem true to you. However, If people ask these question from me here in USA, I being a person from a rural area, would not tell them that this does not happen in Pakistan. Women especially and men, sometimes do get disowned and even threatened to be killed if they get married to a person of their choice (that their parents don’t approve of), A very big number of people still live in mud houses and Yes, a lot of places are no more safe to visit (I being from one of such areas).
While working in US, I was once asked if most of us own SUVs in Pakistan. A little flattered and a bit confused, I inquired how my colleague got that impression. “How else would you guys drive in Pakistan’s dirt roads?” came the reply!
Why People living out of pakistan always ask for a break in religious matters ur too religious gme a break ur tooo getting into religious gme a break bla bla bla we need 100% religious life its a complete religion u wont need anything after that
I got invitation to speak in Pakistan and I rejected it due to so many bad information being shared about the country. I was told it was unsafe for a foreigner, especially a Christian like me. How true?
Not true at all Emenike. I know the media makes it sound like a warzone but there are many diverse communities living in Pakistan. Plus foreign guests, dignitaries and tourists are usually very well treated there. If there’s one thing you must experience in Pakistan, it’s our superb hospitality!
Good list! i’ve come across some of these my self (the english one being the most common).
I guess less than 5% of pakistanis are talking to themselves here on this forum. Internet access to pakistanis is around less than 15% … & majority of rural women in Pakistan cover their head and face due to culture reasons than anything else. so you can imagine their asking all these stupid questions are legit. See things from a broader perspective.
Funny as the article was, I have to agree with some of the responses posted earlier. Some of these are actually very legitimate questions that *should* be asked of Pakistanis. And Pakistanis should know and talk about how bad conditions really are in the country as well.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been asked some of these questions and I am one of the privileged few who could possibly find them tiresome. However, I would never try to white-wash Pakistan’s image by denying that poverty and cruelty exist here. These are real issues that we deal with and I’d like to think we (as a nation) do the best we can against all the odds, but there’s quite a way left to go. Things are not going to get better in a day, a year or even a decade. The least we can do is tell the truth about and learn to not be ashamed of our less-than-pretty roots.
Very interesting! I’m kinda surprised about the visa process though. I applied by sending my application in the mail and got it back in a week no questions asked. Now going through the hard part of getting my fiance’s visa to come here.
Reblogged this on mansoorbashir.
I got one. You’re from Pakistan??! How come you’re so fair?
Then I need to go on a lengthy explanation that all Pakistanis are not dark.
I Loved your article. And yes the most common thing asked is how fluently we speak English.it was very entertaining. Another thing they make no distinction between Afghanistan and Pakistan or any of the other ans. to the real Pakistani I would only like to say thAt my maid,s grandsons study in an English medium school and my cook who is from a small town from mustang knows more about his cell phone apps than me. I agree with u to the extent that the difference exists between the urban and rural areas but my cooks sisters and both his brothers are studying in schools In thier small village.
One question asked to me from an American was, do you guys have electricity there? And I replied ‘yes’, but within my heart I also added ‘ sometimes’
now we have to pen down a few points “not to say to a Peshawari” 😀
I am studying in cyprus and once my turkish roommate started asking me about Pakistan, and I just to know what was on his mind when was asking me questions, went like “what do you think of Pakistan? What comes to your mind when you hear “Pakistan”? “, and this turkish friend of mine replies me, “I think mountains, and deserts”. It was pretty hard for me to convince him that its not like what he thought, and while I was showing him a few pictures online, at one point he even went like “You guys have trees there?? Is this photoshopped?? I never thought it’d be this green..”. Had to show him a lot from karachi, Islamabad and Lahore to change his perception.
Thanx Taha, you are doing just what our embassies should be doing – promoting better image of Pakistan through tourism. But they do nothing except earning dollars.
You forgot an important point never wish them by saying ” have a blast”
I agree with your comments on visiting the country. As one who spent about 7 months in Karachi and about the same time in Lahore, I never even got a cross look from anyone. Keep a low profile, observe the customs and stay out of troublesome areas and you’ll be fine. I’ve never met more friendly people in my life.
A small percentage of population goes to these schools where they come out speaking perfect English. Majority of population can not speak English, or for that matter read or write their national or regional language. Ever seen the literacy rates for the nation, and especially for women?
Majority of population lives in fairly depressing state, housing, education, healthcare, and even access to electricity and running water so looking at a slice of the top echelon of the population as representative of the entire country is misleading.
Sorry to burst your bubble but if instead of looking at the top 2% of population, you look at the population as a whole you would realize it’s not the world that has an inaccurate view of the nation but it’s you.
I am white American and my husband is Pakistani and I end up fielding some absurd questions about Pakistan myself.
Recent comment that pissed me off, I was talking to this man at work and he was Indian origin from Lucknow and that happens to be where my husband’s family is originally from so we were chatting away happily and this lady was eavesdropping and butted in and said “I thought Indians and Pakistanis hated each other.” My husband is a proud Pakistani whose mother grew up in post-partition India and who has Indian and Indian-American relatives! We lived in Dubai for years and had loads of Indian friends, neighbors, colleagues, etc., and we have loads of Indian friends now that we are in the US. Not everyone’s life story fits this simplistic black/white narrative, and this lady who had no connection to India or Pakistan felt that with her CNN ‘knowledge’ she could interrupt our happy convo with an antagonizing comment…sure, animosity is there, we all know that, but it is SOOO much more complex than that.
That’s so funny. Great post. I should do a South African version ….. and to all those wondering – I do not have lions wandering around in my back yard.
Great article! Finally a logical positive post to read!
I have never ever seen that many written positive remark about Pakistan. To be honest people who are born and who have settled outside Pakistan are more criticizing. I agree that in its current situation it is really hard for people who don’t know much about Pakistan to think positive about it but it does’t give anybody any right to talk about Pakistan in a negative way or make fun of it (mostly) as they are not doing any thing to make the current situation in Pakistan better.
Just yesterday I was having this conversation with a European client (Austrian) and after we were done talking business…he asked…where in India are you from ? I said I am from Pakistan and he goes like….NO…REALLY ??? … I said yea why ?…and he’s like you speak good English…and I was like…Thanks…but im better at my work than an Indian 😉
Yes, and lots of Pakistanis think Austria is Australia, but spelled in a wrong way. Happened to me a lot…
Reblogged this on FXHQ.
🙂
I have faced all these questions 🙂 even more than this. When I went to Eiffel Tower, the guard smilingly asked to show off my bombs and AK-47 volunteerly. I harshly asked him if he was joking and then he was not smiling and allowed me up there
The people are usually ahead of the politicians especially in cultural matters. When I was training journalists in Pakistan, I frequently asked how much they knew about India. Several people always said they still had aunts and uncles in India and a few had been able to visit them. I asked always if the Indian people had horns and tails? The response was laughter. I frequently asked Indian trainees who were popular singers from Pakistan. Virtually everyone knew who Muskan was. Likewise, I’d ask Pakistanis about Bollywood actors from India. I always got Amitabh Bachchan’s name as well as Aishwarya Rai’s name. Point is, culture and pop culture traves across borders and is ahead of the politicians’ attitudes.
What a rubbish
No. 10 is totally uncalled for. I have had several friends from all over the world visit and almost all of them have relayed very good experiences at the various Pakistani embassies! It’s no where bear what WE have to face at the hands of the so called embassies of the civilised world!